As we approach "Valentines Day", I thought of the wedding Galen and I were invited to a couple of months ago, and it was beautiful..We had not been at a wedding for a few years and it was refreshing to see the love, joy and happiness among all the people at the church and at the reception. I can't help myself get teary eyed when the bride enters the church and goes down the isle, to meet her groom and be 'united 'as one. I cannot explain it, but I can't hold back my tears...it just happens.
When people get married their lives change. They no longer do things on their own, they have to consider the other person. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and cultures, and there is an adjustment we need to make. All relationships start off happy, but they all require hard work. In all relationships we seek to know and understand the other person, and try to please them. What we need to remember though is that we must nurture the relationship from the first day to the last day of our lives.
Marriages cannot be sustained in a healthy way, let alone grow, if --as couples-- we set them on 'cruise control'. Anytime we meet people who have been married for a long time, Galen asks them: What is your secret? Well, everyone has different answers, different things work for different people, but there are some principles that always come up. For example: good communication between the two parties, respect, trust, safety and security...will you be there for me, and can I count on you?
I was reading an article which mentions the fact that without realizing it, sometime we all put our marriage on 'cruise control'. The belief is that the relationship is good if there are no pressing issues. If there are no major concerns to address, then all the attention can be directed towards other things, such as children, work, friends and fun! However, the danger of this is that it opens the door to disconnection between the spouses.
This 'disconnection' may not be felt immediately, but in time the marriage may begin to show signs of distress, same way as a plant that is not watered does not show its distress immediately, but over time it will show up in the leaves and flowers. The article mentions that the distress in marriages will show in ways such as:
When people get married their lives change. They no longer do things on their own, they have to consider the other person. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and cultures, and there is an adjustment we need to make. All relationships start off happy, but they all require hard work. In all relationships we seek to know and understand the other person, and try to please them. What we need to remember though is that we must nurture the relationship from the first day to the last day of our lives.
Marriages cannot be sustained in a healthy way, let alone grow, if --as couples-- we set them on 'cruise control'. Anytime we meet people who have been married for a long time, Galen asks them: What is your secret? Well, everyone has different answers, different things work for different people, but there are some principles that always come up. For example: good communication between the two parties, respect, trust, safety and security...will you be there for me, and can I count on you?
I was reading an article which mentions the fact that without realizing it, sometime we all put our marriage on 'cruise control'. The belief is that the relationship is good if there are no pressing issues. If there are no major concerns to address, then all the attention can be directed towards other things, such as children, work, friends and fun! However, the danger of this is that it opens the door to disconnection between the spouses.
This 'disconnection' may not be felt immediately, but in time the marriage may begin to show signs of distress, same way as a plant that is not watered does not show its distress immediately, but over time it will show up in the leaves and flowers. The article mentions that the distress in marriages will show in ways such as:
- irritability
- sarcasm
- complaining
- withdrawing
- nagging
- what's wrong with you?
- Stop already, all you do is complain
- You are never around anymore
- Give me a break! stop hounding me about everything!
- I've noticed you've been a little irritable lately. Please tell me what is going on
- That comment was very hurtful. Is everything OK?
- You seem to have a lot of things on your mind. Is there anything I can do to help?
- I feel like we have been drifting apart. Can we take some time to talk about it?
You get the idea...........
Marriage is like a dance, we learn to synchronize our steps with our spouse's, and it takes practice and working on it daily. So, whenever we can, we need to offer encouragement, listen and understand each other, cultivate a spirit of gratitude of all the blessings we rather than all the problems we have, and we need to spend time together....alone.....take an interest in each others activities, if possible, and enjoy the time together. God put us together for a reason. So, let's not put our marriages on 'cruise control', but instead let us intentionally, daily, nurture our marriages so that there will be no limit to the joy, peace and intimacy we can experience and feel for each other!
One good book to read is 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman
and........as one comedian puts it.....Happy Wife, Happy Life.................
